While it may be easy to slam gonzo porn for flooding the industry with substandard smut, it is also responsible for a welcome phenomenon: now everyone thinks they can make porn. This may mean we get to see way more crap, but it has also resulted in lots of oddball stuff, like the recently reviewed Psychocandy series and the delightfully demented Clown Porn, in which young hipsters explore their fixation with, yes, clowns fucking!

I ran into these crazy kids in Vegas at AEE and it was clear they were porn pioneers. They're also fans of The Cacophony Society, a loosely based organization of troublemakers responsible for Santarchy and other similar insanity, as well as veteran burners. Which means they take their fun seriously!

This film follows the industry standards, clocking in at 90 minutes with five sex scenes, including the requisite girl-girl scene. Or should I say clown-clown? What sets the flick apart is, obviously, all the grease paint and rubber noses. This will no doubt put off people with clown-o-phobia, but anyone with a sense of humor will enjoy the effort. Of course, for those out there with an actual clown fetish, well, let the wanking begin! And while Clown Porn doesn't specifically - or obsessively -- address any particular fetish beyond that for clowns, I will mention that my two favorite fetishes are at least tangentially catered to here. There are balloons in the background of almost every scene, so my balloon fetish friends might enjoy this film more than most. And though the emphasis is definitely on the fucking, there are enough pie tins of whipped cream splatted onto faces, asses and tits to keep my pie sploshing enthusiasts spewing their whipped cream.

But what about those five sex scenes, eh? In scene one, Hollie takes on two clown boys at once for some suck, lick, screw. She's a real screamer and her yummy little tits look great with grease paint smears and lipstick stains. Jenna gets pounded by Hef Pounder in scene two. He grabs her by her orange yarn pigtails and her red plastic clown shoes flail in the air. When he comes, the two giggle hysterically and she gobbles his globby come up off her belly. That's good eatin'!

Hollie and Zenova provide the girl-girl clown action, wearing matching pink and blue pastel clown face. Zenova and her pierced tongue perform some serious cunnilingus - for a clown, anyway! - and the two slam into each other using a pink jelly double dong. With fresh coats of clown face, the same two double-clown Dave Pounder in his hotel room, tying him up and sucking him down. Bwah-ha-ha!

In what starts out looking like it'll be a three-ring gang-bang, Kelly sucks Chibbles's kibbles and bits; man, that girl can concentrate! He blows his load on her boobs and makes way for Jizzy, a tanned, studly clown who fucks the ever-patient Kelly. He unloads on her back and she gamely awaits her next stunt man. It's "Mime Time," and I won't even give this one away. Suffice it to say that it was the high point of the film for moi! Her "mystery fuck" is a fat clown who screws her on top of a bouncey gym ball.

In between all the fucking clowns, there's hilariously cliché porn music, calliope-accompanied scene cards and the charmingly smarmy MC Rod Swerling. Hotel rooms and brightly colored bed sheets are put to good use as low-budget sets. But the best part of all this clown sex is how much fun they're all having. I mean, how serious can you be with a rubber nose? Two chubby, white-gloved thumbs up!

For more info and to order, go to www.clownporn.net.

Clown Porn - by Abby Ehmann

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