The stunning Audra, aka Gwarskitty, calls herself a "sinister schizophrenic fashionista," so you know right off the bat that she has a sense of humor and a literary bent. Her refined tastes in everything from music to couture to lifestyle to love have been cultivated through her diverse experiences and reflect her left-brain-meets-right-brain personality. She's the diva of dichotomies! Here, Eros Zine has a few words with her and offers you a peek at her writing.
Eros Zine: You live in North Carolina? What's "the scene" like there?
Audra: Believe it or not, there actually is one, but it's quite fragmented… a hodgepodge of goths, punks, cosplay kids and fetishists who all mesh together at a private club once or twice a week. Alternative lifestyles are kept pretty underground, as this is a strong military, conservative state (I know, I know--shocked and surprised, aren't you? [laughs]) and most anyone who looks odd is frowned upon. However, it's a tightknit group of real people and those who don't meet up just for show or to be seen. They're genuine. I used to live in a much larger city and I stopped going out because the people there started to lack substance. The scene is small here, but it's filled with good people.
Eros Zine: You travel quite a bit, almost every weekend, yet you find time for a "personal life." You're getting married? Do tell!
Audra: I'm just nuts-in-the-head-bolt-missing crazy. We could leave it at that [long pause]. Alright, alright...I'm kidding (not really). I do travel a lot to meet new people and work with the best creative minds out there. I find great joy in the synergy created during intense shoots and watching amazing images materialize.
However, I devote one weekend a month minimum to just lounging around, watching movies, camping, motorcycling and being lazy with my sweetheart to keep our relationship strong. Starting in June, that will become two weekends, as we are in the midst of planning our December wedding.
We're getting married on a beach in the Dominican Republic with just our immediate families present. We plan to have a kink wedding celebration beforehand-no, I'm not telling details yet! [giggles]-and a party for our conservative friends and extended families afterwards. After all that, I plan to pick up with the modeling, traveling and writing more intensively again. I will also be taking classes towards my MBA while keeping my full-time accounting career. No, I'm not exaggerating. I told you I was nuts.
Eros Zine: How did you become involved in the fetish world? As a model, first? Or as a fetishist?
Audra: I was a latex fetishist long before I was a fetish model. I remember as a young girl I loved to stretch balloons over my fingers, rub them all over my face and just smell them obsessively. I didn't care about blowing them up and batting them around like most kids did. I just wanted to rub and smell them as often as I could. My mother was a bit disturbed by this, but both my parents allowed me to develop without repressing any of my tendencies. I came to understand my latex fetish during high school and I strongly believe I am a lot healthier sexually by having been given the chance to explore my fetishes through introspection and experimentation.
Eros Zine: What do you do by day? The job that requires you to wear a suit?
Audra: I'm the financial controller of a large firm… the numbers queen, the left-brained workaholic who sometimes sneaks latex panties underneath her business suit when no one's looking. Call me Bruce Wayne [laughs].
Eros Zine: Your life does appear to be a series of dichotomies. Do you prefer extremes? Do you experience balance in your life?
Audra: I achieve balance in my life by indulging myself in extremes. I'm an overachieving, slightly obsessive-compulsive, left-brained workaholic who can effortlessly maneuver numbers. I'm a manager who controls people and the flow of a company's money. I graduated valedictorian of my high school class and summa cum laude from college having participated year-round in varsity sports and seven organizations. I served on pretty much every academic and athletic board in the process. I was even in Big Brothers/Big Sisters.
Now, if I just continued down this left path, I would probably give myself a cardiac seizure. Thus, I explore and create and allow my right brain to ooze into my left to slow it down, much what coolant does to an overactive engine. I speak two languages fluently, model, run, write, dance, teach, skydive, motorcycle and pretty much seek out any sort of adrenaline-rich or hormonal-producing activity to balance myself out. I reflect, think and act young, lose myself in introspection, and allow myself to feel the highest highs and lowest lows. It works. I keep myself in check that way, never drifting too far to one side or the other, and thus, am probably more chipper than most people.
Eros Zine: Your writing incorporates your many interests....fashion, fetish, goth, horror, erotica and the art of the word. How do you feel you express yourself through your writing?
Audra: I'm influenced by the existentialist authors like Camus, Sartre, Heidegger, Hesse; thus, that style of thinking tends to snake out in a lot of my essays. I write mostly in metaphor using visceral language, a blend of Hemingway and Jeannette Winterson's styles. I express how I feel at the time by attempting to capture an atmosphere, an emotion, a situation, with the intention of the reader feeling what I feel vicariously by relating and drawing upon similarities.
Whew, that sounds wordy. I think you can see where I'm going. I tend to write about my everyday life in untraditional ways. I love sex, but enjoy the tease more. I prefer erotic to explicit. I'd rather lead you down a winding path and show you the flora and fauna rather than simply take you from point A to point B. To me it's all about the flight rather than the destination.
Eros Zine: Thank you, Audra! And now that our readers are aware of your inspirations and influences, they can see a sample of your work.
I cocoon you in my shrouded silk cloak of nocturnal ambiguity. I blindfold you with my ebony veil, shutting out any semblance of sanity you may believe you once possessed. I pinion your flailing arms above your brazen head, securing your wrists with a grotesque machination of skin and rubber, adorning them with steel kisses as your soul unravels before me.
Your fingers grasp at nothing but air, bringing a strange solace to your confusion. I spread your restless legs in eager anticipation of my ritual cleansing, heralding salvation onto an essence marred by cobwebs of mediocrity and lavish disappointments. A smirk escapes my crimson lips as I restrain each pale thigh and ankle to the firmament you no longer recognize.
Your sense of time and place is distorted, unidentifiable, woolly, as I am the one who now controls it. Methodically, this widow weaves her wondrous lattice of complex knots and fastenings with the steady hand of a seasoned pedagogue, an impish mistress who guides and thrusts the reins of this clandestine affair between her legs with commanding authority.
Your essence begins to palpitate as I dissect your innocuous purity, breath by breath, beat by beat. You undulate beneath me in synchronicity with your fervent submission. Faster and stronger, open your orchid to my wanton excess.
You are so beautiful, bound and overtaken by reverence, aching for a heated release from the carnal vanilla. Put your worries and reservations to rest, my dear, for I bring you a new and pristine existence.
Ages ago, in a homogeneous world, you flat-lined. I descended upon a lifeless, disenchanted shell, the azure dye having bled out long ago from your eyes. I embraced you, and now you lay spread-eagled, tethered, at attention, offering yourself to my enigmatic, velvety, taut-nippled, tight-stomached, shaved, hungry psyche.
Take my hand with your mind, and I will guide you down the spiraling, sprawling inferno through my guttural depths to breathe a heartbeat back into you that matches the strength of mine. I will take you from this mockery of a life … if you think you can handle it. Oh, and just ignore my horns.
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EROTICA
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