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Jamye Waxman is sexy. She's comfortable with herself and she makes others comfortable. As a sex educator or, as she prefers, "sexplorer," Jamye hears things people often don't share with their closest friends as she assists them with becoming as comfortable with their sexuality as she is with hers. I met Jamye years ago when she was a producer for the eYada show and we've been friends ever since. It's been a blast watching her expand her career to include almost every facet of adult entertainment -- including onscreen talent! Here, she shares her hopes and fears and future plans with Eros Zine readers.
Jamye Waxman: I think the biggest difference is the degree. That's the bottom line. I think a lot of sex comes from experience, and so a lot of the writers out there are qualified to write about their own experiences. For me, having the degree provided an extra level of comfort, so to speak. My classes allowed me to experience a myriad of sexual perspectives. I know more about particular sexual dysfunctions and have seen videos that most people would never imagine watching. My classes allowed me extra insight into the minds of some fantastic sex therapists and educators and I was told to read textbooks like Psychological Perspectives on Sex, that I would never had read otherwise. I think that my degree legitimizes my sex background for a lot of academics and other people, like my parents. Eros Zine: What was the most important thing you learned in your classes? Jamye Waxman: It was not to assume anything about anyone and not to think that sex educators don't have their own baggage. People who are attracted to the field of sex are attracted to it for one reason or another and everybody has their hot buttons. Some people are in the sex field because they are highly sexual and enjoy sex and others are in it to overcome some of their own sexual issues. I remember one incident in particular in one of my classes where a woman got upset with a video we were watching. It was a pretty graphic video, but not a violent video, and she stormed out of the room. When she came back she yelled at the teacher and screamed, "This is disgusting. I would tell a patient who presented something like this to me that I think they're disgusting." Since I can't help but open my mouth at any inappropriate moment, I said something back. I told her how as sex educators it wasn't our job to judge people negatively about their sexual habits, it was our job to explore them and help them either work through them or find alternatives to what they were doing. Some of my class backed me up, but a majority thought I was rather radical. It taught me that I couldn't assume anything about anyone, and that everyone has their limits. Eros Zine: You've had an interesting employment journey to get where you are today. Tell us about the jobs you've had and how they've influenced your current career path. Jamye Waxman: I started out in radio right after college. I moved to a small town in Ohio (it's called Bucyrus) and tried to make it as a DJ. I quickly realized that it didn't require much thought for me to spin a record and that people were more interested in the music than the DJ, so I looked for something more. I moved back to New York to figure out what role I wanted in terrestrial radio and eventually found myself as a Radio Producer for talent like Joey Reynolds, Alan Colmes and Joan Rivers.
I also did a show where people were always having sex, it was called "The Chaunce Hayden Show," but that's a place I try not to go back to, although I loved, and still love Chaunce dearly. By the time eYada went off the air, which was right before September 11th, I'd decided that sex was my calling, and I had been given a job at Babeland (formerly Toys in Babeland) where I became a sex educator selling sex toys. It was the best consumer job I could ever wish for. And that's also when I started going for my masters. I realized radio couldn't guarantee me a forever career and I wanted some backup. I eventually made it back to radio and that's where I felt like a sell out, because I began working for a man whose beliefs didn't mesh with mine. Around the time I was looking to quit, I got a lucky break, when the former editor of Playgirl magazine, Michele Zipp, offered me a column in the magazine. I still write the sex advice column for them. From there I started writing for Chaunce at Steppin' Out Magazine, and later on The Philly Edge. Plus, I began doing more work with Playgirl TV. But the best thing that came out of all of it was I befriended Candida Royalle and we began working together. She also put me on the board of Feminists for Free Expression and now I'm their president! Eros Zine: Who else has influenced or inspired you? Jamye Waxman: Candida Royalle has probably been my biggest influence and inspiration to date. She's more like a mentor to me, because she was totally proactive in making change. She's a smart, sexy and professional business woman who didn't like the way adult movies were being made, so she created her own line of couples' erotica. Now it's the premier line of couples' videos. More consumers associate her with that market than anyone else. I love that I get the chance to be friends with -- and work with -- her and that she's in my life, and she believes in me. It's nice to have someone believe in you. Y'know? My other inspirations include lots of women who paved the way for me in this industry. Women like Betty Dodson, Carol Queen and Sheri Hite. Susie Bright and Annie Sprinkle. And women who are doing it now, with me. Women like Ducky Doolittle and Violet Blue. Women who aren't afraid to be punk rock and positive. Women who aren't afraid to talk about sex.
Eros Zine: You're working on a book. Tell us about what to expect. Jamye Waxman: The book is coming out in 2007, and it's being put out by Quiver, which is an imprint of Rockport Publishing. It's called Women Loving Women and it's about women's sexual experiences with other women. What's cool about this book is that it's geared towards women who don't identify as lesbian or bisexual. It's a book for "straight" women who have fantasized about experimenting. Maybe they've done it, maybe they haven't, but this is a book that will talk about why it's okay to do it and how. I've come up with some pretty racy chapter titles and Quiver's been great about everything so far. I'm really excited to write this book, especially because it strikes a chord with me. Growing up, I didn't know how to deal with my same sex experiences and I had a long same sex relationship at a young age. I thought I was wrong or dirty and I hated myself. I now laugh at how hip it is to be open to experimenting, while I also remind myself that it's hot to be two women who have sex, but the general public still has a hard time accepting two men. That kind of pisses me off. Eros Zine: So do you consider yourself bi? How has your sexuality changed over the past few years? Jamye Waxman: I hate the label bisexual. I think it sounds like a disease. It's sort of a stigmatized thing. My first paper for my masters was called "The Bisexual Agenda." It was about other people's perceptions around the term. Lots of straight people think that if you're bisexual, you're experimenting, and gay people think that you're refusing to come out of the closet. I think that's changing now, but I still hate the term. I prefer to say I'm try-sexual; I'll try almost anything once. Sexuality is fluid, meaning it's constantly in flux and changing. I had a really long relationship -- nine years -- with a really straight-laced man and when we broke up he said, "My friends all think you're a lesbian, why don't you go find out." And so that's what I did. I went back to my roots and explored the possibilities of being with both men and women. I'm currently in a monogamous relationship with a beautiful and loving man, but I don't believe I can only love men. I think I'm more prone to fall in love with a person, and they might be male and they might be female. He just happens to have a penis this time around. Eros Zine: You're a devoted blogger. What kind of feedback do you get? Jamye Waxman: I get lots of feedback from everywhere. I get just as much feedback from my blogs as I do from my podcasts, which you can also find on my web site, or through Playgirl TV. I get people telling me that they admire what I do, people asking advice, people asking me out. I don't get lots of hate mail, but maybe that's because it's hard to hate me. And yes, that's sarcasm you don't sense!
Jamye Waxman: Ah. So much fun and so much work. I didn't just produce it, I co-wrote it and took the largest non-sex role in the movie. It's called Under the Covers and it's going to be released at the end of September. I get a caning in it and everybody gets to see my stark white ass; let me tell you, it's white. We were looking at pictures the other day and someone said, "Whose white ass is that?" and I proudly answered "Mine." It's a sex comedy. I'm really proud of it. I came up with some of the characters when flying on a plane last January. But it was totally a joint collaboration and it got Candida writing. It was her first movie in four years! I'm happy to have helped her get back into the director's seat. But it was also challenging. When an actress quits the morning of a shoot and you're an actress and producer that day, you have to switch caps constantly. It was hard, long days, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. My favorite video memory is going to be on the Behind the Scenes. I'm sitting in a room where four people are having sex and I'm looking straight into the camera talking about how upset I am that we're going into overtime. You can hear the moans and grunts in the background and all I care about is what time it is. Beautiful. To me, that's as hysterical as it gets. Eros Zine: Any new film projects in the works? Jamye Waxman: Yeah. I'm working on a few things, but what I'm totally excited about is that after this last film, Candida Royalle is going to have me direct under the Femme Line! I already have two movie ideas in the works, and keep thinking up new, fun stories. I'm totally stoked to do this. I'm going to shoot my first film early next year. Eros Zine: And what else is in the future for you? Jamye Waxman: I'm working on a line of how to books that aren't preachy and don't even feel like how to books. I'm also working on the next line of films that I'll direct for Candida. And I'm working on one other project that will hopefully provide me another video outlet. I want to take my blog and podcasts to another level and work with my boyfriend to combine sexuality and spirituality. He's already doing spirituality stuff on www.souldish.com. And I hope to continue writing and teaching classes both for myself and for Moxieinthecity.net. And I'd love to be lecturing more. I'm also hoping to win the AVN award for Best Non-Sex Performance this year, cause I think I'm a pretty good actress, and my ass deserves an award. [laughs] Eros Zine: Thanks, Jamye! Readers can get more information on Jamye at her web site.
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