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11-13-2007


DVD Titles
The House on Horny Hill
Control 7
Glam Trash
Reflexxxions
Klub Slutz
Insertz
Filth Cums First
A2M #11
Tom Byron's House of Ass 6
Tom Byron's House of Ass 7


House on Horny Hill (Abigail Productions)


House on Horny Hill is a lesbian ghost story in which a house mysteriously remains on the market, as dyke real estate agent Varla Vexx tries desperately to sell it. After a serious berating by her bitchy boss (Miss Conduct) in which Varla's spiky hair, numerous piercings and red cowboy boots are assaulted as "unprofessional," she does some research and discovers that the house in question was once upon a time occupied by lesbo nymphomaniacs. Hmmmmm….!

These nymphos make their presence felt whenever possible, by turning up the heat in a given room in a reversal of the usual "cold spots" seen in hauntings. "Hot spots" also serve as a splendid excuse for the dames viewing the house to shed a few textiles, as happens first with Lena Ramon and Kitty, then with Sinnamon Love and Zenova Braden and Rucca & Luccia. But wait! This ancient nymphomaniac evil still lies waiting to be liberated, and when Varla shows the place to a dominatrix who wants to use it in her work, the winning combination's hit and the Satanic Lesbian Orgy can commence. Oh noes!!!

House on Horny Hill is a clever play on the ghost story interlaced with hot scenes of real-looking lesbian sex between women who seem to be genuinely into each other. Layered throughout with ominous music, it feels like a horror flick, even though most of it is hot female-on-female sex. That gives it a strangely unsettling feel, and the movie manages to be hot & creepy at the same time.



Control 7 (Digital Playground)

There's not much chance that Control 7 wouldn't be hot, given that Control 6 hadn't so thoroughly revitalized the series and got me all hot & bothered about it again. It starts with lovelies Misti Love and Aliana Love strutting their stuff in green and orange latex fetish numbers, then engaging in a threesome with a well-hung manthing in Control's trademark well-appointed condo. There are even nipple clamps in this one. Next, we get Spanish beauty Rebeca Linares tarted-up in high heels and wandering around the Control mansion with a video camera, to discover in an upstairs bedroom a bound, hooded and polo-shirted gentleman awaiting her pleasure… quite possibly without his consent. It turns out that her boyfriend or possibly Master Ben English discovers her and is pissed off that she's abusing the help. He takes away her camera and drags her into another room to be savaged by him. Next, Scott Nails is videotaping his own dick as he jerks off to porn. His girlfriend Faye Valentine comes in and shows off the new leopard-print bra she bought at the mall, which assists Scott in his endeavours. As Faye continues to undress, she mentions that her friend Claire asked her how big Scott's cock was—she knows Claire already knows (that little slut!), but wants to know from Scott which one of them has a tighter pussy.

On disk 2, blonde Alyssa Jordan is dressed like a schoolgirl, being videotaped by a longhair who roughly fucks her face, pussy and ass. Then, lovely Velvet Rose, she of the blonde-pink extensions, is dressed in a latex apron, laying out plastic on the floor to wrap up her male partner in plastic wrap and dominate him, tormenting his uncut cock with her teeth and pleasuring it with her hand and mouth, and finally fucking him. At the end our oh-so-dominant domme decides she wants a facial cumshot—yeah! Exercise that authority! Show 'em who's boss!

For the disk's last scene, Sasha Grey looks glorious in a sky-blue latex bikini, dominating two guys, one of them in what appears to be a Stockroom bunny-mask, the other in a blindfold. She makes them worship her ass, then jerks them off and sucks their cocks. Once the bunny mask and blindfold come off, turns out its Marco Banderas and Tony DeSergio; they fingercuff her and ultimately double-penetrate her.

Control 7 is another hot set of vignettes from Robby D.

Glam Trash (Penthouse Video)

Kelly Holland's Glam Trash is sort of a Sex and the City parody, but not quite; the idea is that six slutty rich girls set out on a challenge to bang the most improbable guy possible; the girl who schtups the most improbable guy will win the challenge. Darryl Hanah starts with the pool boy; then Joanna Angel fucks some punk guy (dude, who saw that coming?) played by James Deen, and Katarina Kat chows down on a prettyboy biker to the tune of what might have been George Thorogood music, but isn't quite. Bree Olson is next, as the ultraslutty rich bitch whose Daddy made billions in the dotcom boom before pulling out. Riding around in a limousine, Bree pulls over and finds a random homeless raincoater to blow in an alley and then get fucked by in the back seat of her limo. Savannah Stern then screws the janitor. Finally, Emily Evermore stumbles into a multi-ethnic bar and cheerfully gets gangbanged on a pool table.

Glam Trash is predictable and unoriginal in its fantasies, but they're hot. Similarly, it's kind of credulous in its narrative—but whatthefuckever. The main selling points are the high quality of the cinematography and lighting, done with artful skill, and the stirring hotness of its female stars, who are ultra sizzlin' and mostly all-natural.

Reflexxxions (Wicked Pictures)

From its back cover, Reflexxxions appears freaky, spooky, even a little bit occult. And indeed it is quite atmospheric and evocative. It opens with a retro-styled scene between Julia Ann and Randy Spears, featuring Julia in a blonde pageboy wig and antique-looking lingerie, in sort of '20s surroundings to a modern techno-jazz soundtrack. It's a tasty scene with lots of oral and anal sex and a nice energy to it, and of course Randy, being Randy, shoots on her feet. Julia then looks into her bedroom mirror, and the schtick of the movie is established—we fade to another time and place, sort of a modern LA condo, where Tyler Knight is soundly fucking his female partner. When they complete their hot scene, Tyler picks up a silver hand mirror and is surprised to see the face of a pre-Revolution French dame. Travel to a lush garden, where our heavily-costumed mademoiselle is made love to by Steven St. Croix and another dude to the sound of harpsichord music. When they've completed their steamy French-style interaction, the same hand mirror returns us to Julia, this time performing oral service to multiple men through glory in a clear plastic box, which provides the convenient reflection to take us to a weird party of masked blondes who engage in an all-chick three-way in elegant surroundings, removing their masks partway through. When one of them fixes her makeup in a conveniently-placed mirror, we travel to what looks like 1980, in a bedroom plastered with punk rock flyers, where two shady alternative types tryst punkily. Glancing into the mirror takes us back to Julia and Randy, who are sleeping dreamily.

Reflexxxions is basically a high-quality vignette-based porn movie with a connecting thread between the segments. It's all very stylish and classy, and more importantly the sex is hot.

Klub Slutz (Penthouse Underground)

As I mentioned in my last DVD review column, Penthouse is making a move for the twentysomething market, answering the challenge placed by lad mags like Maxim, FHM and the now-defunct Stuff. Apparently they're attempting to bitchslap altporn, too, and strike it a glancing blow with Klub Slutz. It's a style-heavy, bad-goth-poetry-laced descent into the cyberpunk nightmare of the freaky drug-dosed urban nightclub scene. You'll love it or hate it, or maybe laugh at it; I both loved it and laughed at it. Whether it's serious or not I really couldn't tell, but it's more like a Laether Strip video than a porn movie, which is either a good thing or a bad thing depending on your aesthetics. Regardless, if you can either groove with it or forgive it its pretensions, the sex is pretty frickin' hot.

It starts out with the poetry overlay, setting a postmodern backdrop to some sleazy sex with girls with extensions. Nick Manning fucks punked-out Victoria Sinn and Nautica Thorn while he screams FILTHY! This is the same guy who pulled essentially the same act with the Love Twins in some recent Vivid movie I watched, and I don't know who he is, but I wish he would stop shouting in my porn. The difference is that here it works, all punk-metal weirdness while the three of them put on a nightclub show for a circle of gawking spectators. Pretty damn hot, actually.

More goth poetry, this time about predators and prey—sometimes, you see, the prey prey upon each other. Cue gorgeous Daisy Marie, looking strangely gothed out, and Randi Wright, who engage in a girl-girl in a rave-painted hallway. "After the witching hour comes feeding hour, and once the animals catch that scent, that pungent aroma of female in heat, watch out," we're told: Cue Audrey Hollander, who's cagedancing for a rabid crowd—the cage is all she has keeping her safe. Husband Otto makes an appearance as her keeper. With Jay Lassiter, Bauer ravishes her in the cage while the crowd cheers, then take her backstage for a little serious anal and double penetration—Audrey, we love you.

"Inevitably one strays away from the pack. Dirty piss-soaked floors are her aphrodisiac." that would be Jezebelle Bond, ravaged by some gothboy who fucks her as promised in the bathroom stall.

There are more than your garden-vairety freaks here in Klub Slutz, and when one of the bikini-clad lust-victim prey-creatures slips into a hidden carnival-circus, she finds herself giving head to a tophat-clad carnival barker, then soundly fucked by him. To finish off the flick, hot asian girl Max Mikita fucks a longhaired pretty boy in the trash-strewn alley and then gets assfucked. The ending is even more bizarre, with strange goth poetry and a Hollywood soundtrack. Kelly Holland produced, Guy Capo directed and did the voice over, and needs a cough drop.

Klub Slutz is not to be taken too seriously, but if you like the darker, noirish, gothic side of porn then forgive the flick its eccentricities and it'll satisfy you.

Insertz (Roy Karch Productions)

Roy Karch's feature Insertz follows obsessive art-porn director Boy Wonder (Voodoo) in his filmmaking exploits, including his eventual seduction by Cathy Cake (Nicole Sheridan), a porn actress he's destined to make a star.

Things get started with Boy Wonder and Aurora Snow enjoying a hot pre-creativity boff; thereafter Sheridan shows up to discuss how Wonder's going to make her a star. Then it's time for some serious porn shooting. Mika Tan shows up in a chainmail bikini to get dirty with Herschel Savage in a scene that features a healthy dose of cunnilingus, which is going to prove an important fixture in this film (pussy-eating fans, take note!). Next, Wonder agrees to consider lending his creative talents to fuel Cathy Cake's stardom; she's been working with director Big odd and he's just not doing it for her. She auditions for him by giving a steamy pole dance, stripping nude, and rubbing herself. Then she gets herself off with a vibrator—steamin' hot.

Emily Evermore is one of Big Matt's hangers-on; he fucks her as a precursor to seducing Harline who, unfortunately, was given dope instead of coke and has shuffled off this mortal coil. Next thing you know, Boy Wonder is shooting another scene, one on a pool table and involving oodles of pussy-eating. Then, Kathy Kate finally decides that it's time to seduce Boy Wonder and throws herself at him, demanding that he fuck her and make her a star, in that order. They engage in a dirty but romantic scene with lots of pussy eating. Then she services him orally for a long time and they fuck.

Insertz is a clever idea but like most porn features its scenes and story are just too randomly stitched together to make any real sense. The sex, however, is very hot, and it's all shot with an appreciation for the kind of filmic textures and sets that remind one of the film era.

Filth Cums First (Digital Playground)

For the opening scene of this gonzo fuckfest from Digital Playground's Robby D, the gloriously gorgeous Rebeca Linares is relaxing and stripping on a chaise lounge in a lovely tropical setting; she's met by fellow Spaniard Marco Banderas, and they two do wonderful things to each other while Robby breathes heavy into the mic. There's something sick and wrong about Robby shooting in natural light, but it's all amazingly hot. In Scene 2, Tommy Gunn is bumming Robby out by selling the house where they'd shot a lot of porn movies. Bree Olson comes over to view the house and, surprise, is a huge fan of Tommy Gunn and has always wanted to be in porn movies. They've talked her out of her clothes in nothing flat and arranged an impromptu "audition." Thereafter Tommy returns to drive out to the country with his friend to fuck the extremely precocious Renae Cruz in a scorching dirty-talkin' threesome that finishes up with oodles of rousing anal.

On disk 2, we start with a bound Sandra Romain, being dominated and eating chocolate cake—or trying to, which gets her a spanking. She looks delicious herself in pink bra and panties, pink stockings and red high heels. When she gets untied, she decides she doesn't want cake after all; other comestibles await her. She gets soundly fucked and assfucked, but does end up getting down with some cake.

Redheads Madison Young and Nikki Coxxx are then tarted up in candy-colored slut outfits. They both ably service Jerry in a hot and rough scene with lots of dirty talk. Next, Rico Strong is taking pictures of irresistible Brianna Love, who's dressed up in leopard print and shimmery pink—fashion citation, babe. He strips her down, wraps her in plastic wrap, and sucks & fucks her.

Filth Cums First is, as its title might suggest, a trip into sleaze -- it's high-octane porn, not as stylish as many of Robby's other offerings, but hot.

A2M #11 (Anabolic)

A2M is industry shorthand for ass-to-mouth, also known as ATM. This kink involves a woman being sodomized and then cheerfully caressing the sodomizer's erect member with her mouth. I think it's supposed to indicate that she is a shameless slut, either that or it's just nasty. In real life it might give you hepatitis, but here it merely gives you, presumably, partial to full nipple erection, at least that's the general goal. For the purposes of this review, I'm not going to worry about health concerns or the squick factor, just about the steaming helpings of ass-to-mouth action that Anabolic's A2M #11 doth assuredly provide.

The disc jumps right into the action, with lovely Maya Gates introducing the title while she's getting fucked in the ass. Before the words are even out, she's off the cock and has her mouth down getting personal with it; a second guy appears behind her and does her even as she begins to suck eagerly. That's what works about the disc; there's no wasting time, just raw anal sex and double penetration action with cocks going right from the girl's ass to her mouth, no questions asked. Maya gets resoundingly fucked. Things get even better with slutty blonde Aline, dolled up in a bright pink bikini on her perfect body. She touches herself, and when two cocksmen show up to fuck her, the A2M action starts almost immediately.

Heating things up still more is petite cocoa sweetheart Marie Luv, one of the most beautiful women in adult. Getting a long, slow rim-job and a quick fuck before she moves on to the back-door action, she rides her partner eagerly. Britney Stevens, hot brunette newcomer, is next; she is hot and dirty like the waitress at the truck stop, and I adore her. Next, blonde babe Lexi Love is dolled up in knee high white high-heeled boots, and looks as tasty as ever. Last is European beauty Maria Bellucci, pretty in pink as she's introduced to two gentlemen in a most unsavory manner, and sucks them eagerly, then gets happily pinned between them.

Extra features here include BTS footage, a cum shot recap, a striptease compilation, and a photo gallery of girls getting naughty with super-8 cameras. A2M #11 is not what you would call high-concept porn; it is a repeated assault on a single kink, which, if that's what you're looking for, does the trick.

Tom Byron's House of Ass 6 (Tom Byron Productions)

We're told at the outset that this volume of Tom Byron's not-anal series is being done on the fly: Originally Dana DeArmond was to be host of House of Ass 6, requiring him to replace Dana with lovely Jada Fire, who he proudly proclaims is the first African-American House of Ass cohost. She is hot and gorgeous and curvy and awesome. Because she was replaced, she occupies the first scene, with Byron giving her a serious rimjob as the first order of business, then getting blown before fucking her and doing her in the ass. Next is August, a hot slutty-looking blonde who looks great in booty shorts. She is hot. He asks her if she does anal. She says yeah, if the price is right. I guess Byron's cheap; she doesn't. Breathtaking Eva Angelina is next; she is so gorgeous and sexy she can't help but captivate us, but she doesn't do anal either.

Next is Haley Paige, who I think is about the hottest woman in porn… or was. It's bizarre watching this episode of House of Ass, since Haley was found dead in a hotel room a few months ago. Her boyfriend was found dead a month later. Creepy.

Dana DeArmond closes out the episode; I always love Dana, and it is fun to see her with Byron, who needs himself some dirty girls. Awesome all around.

Interestingly, most of these scenes aren't anal… well, see my entry on House of Ass 7, below, and you'll understand.


Tom Byron's House of Ass 7 (Tom Byron Productions)

What could I possibly say that would express how much I adore Tom Byron? He's sleazy, sort of dopey looking, comes across as a nice guy but invites women over to his house and fucks them and gets paid for it, and he looks very vaguely like Tom Waits. The Tom Waits resemblance is a stretch, I know, but sometimes weird switches get tripped in your porn reviewer's head and he's left thinking "Sativa Rose is the protagonist in Tom Byron's Downtown Train…." then I stop huffing glue and all is well with the world.

Byron starts out this volume by wearing a white Don Johnson and sunglasses as he sits in the yard and interviews Sasha Grey, his cohost whom—here the letdowns start he is not fucking. The reason he is not going to fuck her is that she has a "problem" with her ass, and so he'll bring her back for Lord of Asses 9. Assuming you haven't fast-forwarded, you'll be fasacinated.

We are then, however, informed that Lord of Asses is not an all-anal series, which is why Sativa Rose, who is so hot that she makes me trip over my tongue finding new ways to say "Gaaaaaaahh!" -- but here, in House of Ass, she's not going to do anal. Bailey Brooks, starlet 2 (or 3, if you count Grey), also does not do anal. I like Bailey Brooks lots; she and Byron have great energy and she is very hot. But I'm still not sure what part of House of Ass Don Johnson doesn't understand.

Our next starlet is Jassie, who "likes to fuck, you can tell," Byron tells us, which I suppose I will take on faith, but it is nevertheless exceedingly evident in her scene; she is energetic and awesome. Then Sandra Romain shows up. Sandra Roman is a sizzling-hot Romanian heartthrob who once politely shook my hand, and I haven't washed it since. She's awesome, and the chemistry between her and Byron is everything I could want. Finally, Sasha Grey is on Byron's dance card, and she is well worth the wait; their chemistry has been building in the viewer's mind through the DVD, and it's a great payoff.

It pains me to complain about this series, since I've loved previous editions so much, but Tom Byron's House of Ass 7 let me down. Byron explains in his intro with Grey that House of Ass is not an all anal series. "Ass" means "Piece of ass." To which I, and all the people shelving porn in sleaze emporiums from Miami to Martinez, respond: No, Tom, no it doesn't.

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